Wanted: Mentor

Every day is an adventure waiting to happen, and I expect to be inspired.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer and be seen in the limelight explaining the weather forecast, host a television lifestyle show or be a news anchor reading that blue screen flashing in front of me but fear and doubt seemed to block my way and yet I still somehow surprise myself every now and then.

When I was younger, I used to sit beside my Dad who’s fervently writing his thoughts on a typewriter, taking notes on a a4 sized notebook or marking his books with all those colorful highlighters. I’ve been amazed and look up to him, you’d always see me doodling, coloring or copying letters from a book on a sheet of paper; I’d borrow (or steal) his favorite pen and place myself in an orb of imagination personifying my Dad passionately articulate on words and come up with all the wittiest stories.

My attempt on writing started on colorful journals documenting my day, expressing my unversed thoughts, ranting and raving; filling up each page with different smiley icons, stickers and magazine cut-outs. From then on, I schlep my favorite pens, notebook and book everywhere I go.

I’ve been enrolled to creative classes taught by my Dad’s friends, gone to editorial meetings to observe on how they brainstorm and actually amuse myself on the exchange of thread of thoughts they throw. I take pride on knowing Editors from different dailies seen me grow as I’ve seen their hair fade from black to pepper.

School newspapers, magazine features, hosting school concerts and events were the extra-curricular activities I always volunteer myself to be part of. I enjoy team buildings, sharing stories to one another and thoughts exchanged until that bright idea suffice into its real material.

My debut started in Grade-school. The inspiration came in the middle of my mom’s sermon about the clutter I had in my room and the fickle-mindedness on what I want to become. I was a young klutz  who’d get into anything and wanting to be in everything.

An entire page occupied in The Philippines Star and a paycheck that came along with it days after. Who wouldn’t be inspired?

On another daily broadsheet, without any thought on having my own column. I was blessed on a weekly space – Broken Silence (College and University Section of Manila Bulletin). Responses from strangers all over the country were expressed – knowing my articles were appreciated and well felt made me write more not until one day, I reached the writer’s block and was challenged over my grammar and interests. I was seated in-front of my computer and couldn’t type a single sentence to begin my thought on a specific subject.

If only I took it as a challenge to grow, I would’ve not felt defeated.

My Dad being an editor and reporter, I asked for his guidance and yet I thought he was pulling my leg off and crushed my dreams from writing. I ventured on writing my articles without his guidance from then on but it also built the start of my graphophobia (fear in writing) – I never really got the chance to write again and the column just suddenly passed away without prior notice.

Writing became a hard task than joy in my heart: I was defeated by the fear of not knowing if I was good enough, if anyone will like it, if I can finish, if I even can start. I’ve forgotten the reason why I write, the groove, the way I swerve each stroke on my pen,  I lost that orb of imagining I was as articulate as my Dad.

Television came in. What was supposed to be a good way to enter the entertainment business, I opted to finish school and pursue a degree than earning money. That was when I learned what priorities are and that dreams shouldn’t always be an everyday thing hence the word “dream” – a once in a lifetime experience that may occur when destined again.

Other opportunities came in. I’ve went back to theater, enrolled to acting classes taught by the men of the Directors Guild of the Philippines; been a finalist on a reality show and once in a while featured on television segments and radio shows when needed. Although all these experiences were counted on my fingers, I still don’t think the want on being part of the media world ever left.

In multitude attempts on writing again, none of which were finished nor was ever submitted. The motivation were always there, the push and surprises arrive but the drive to continue seemed to be beaten by that enemy called graphophobia. Opportunities were wasted and over the course of time that it has been open, I never seemed to put my head back into writing and have forsaken my urge to read more books, get into learning new things and my relationship being seen on print again.

Years after, I realize I never got to achieve having myself published at least once a year.

In search of that perfect mentor, I accepted a job in a Public Relations / Advertising firm but after a few months left disheartened that maybe that childhood dream of mine will never ever suffice or was never for me.

Now that my entrepreneurship on being a proprietor has been established, it seemed writing and being in touch in the media has magnetized back right where I left off.

Although I’ve got such amazing business partners who also are my friends, I can’t deny that my greatest mentor is my Dad and I still continuously strive to get back onto that orb of imagination until I become my own persona.

I’ve come to realize that all it takes is for me to hop back in there, try and continuously try. I’m blessed knowing God has been over-flowingly directing me to tons of motivation and inspiration to persevere. I’m back writing to the dailies, although I’m a work in progress, I’m damn Proud to be working on my growth with the guidance of the mentor I’ve always had.

My mentor, My Dad.

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